


Gob Bluth: A Character Study

by GornsAndBees



Series: Arrested development fics [1]
Category: Arrested Development
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Implied/ referenced depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 20:14:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9674336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GornsAndBees/pseuds/GornsAndBees
Summary: This will be a collection of one shot character study ficlets from the perspective of Gob.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> At some point I am planning to write some Blunder, but this is all I could come up with at the moment- new and very late to the fandom, so if anyone's still around to read this I'd be very grateful, and hope you enjoy it :)

Gob is usually far too self obsessed to empathise with anyone else. But sometimes on the days when his limbs are too heavy to practise illusions and his brain is too cloudy to think of new ones or come up with schemes, he just lies in bed or on a couch or the floor or wherever he happens to be and thinks in a way his brain is usually too fast and unfocused for.

He thinks about his family, the people he desperately loves but can't quite bring himself to be there for in any way that counts. The people he'd do anything for in theory but actually his resolve would probably crumble half way through, he never was good at keeping promises.

Mostly it's Michael, who he was always closest to, and whose dissapointed judgement sometimes breaks his heart but usually goes straight over his head. Michael who he kinda likes and who he knows, knows in a way that sometimes makes everything else okay, or at least bearable, kinda likes him back.

Or sometimes it's the little sister he always loved more in theory than in practice. They never did spend much time together, but sometimes he looks at her and sees the passion and drive she used to have as a teenager, drained away by age and years of verbal abuse, and he tries to ignore the feeling that he always did have more in common her than anyone else.

Then there's Tobias who... well.. he's got to be gay right? Yeah, the sometimes hilarious, sometimes faintly unsettling unfortunate choices of words and unnecessarily homoerotic metaphors are one thing. But there's also times when he says things that sound so completely real and deep and resonating in a way GOB doesn't want to think about. But then he usually laughs it off with an oblivious smile while everyone around looks at each other uncomfortably and maybe they were reading too much into it after all.

Very rarely, he spares a thought for Buster, and the sense of slight regret he knows Michael, and thinks Lindsay, share that they never really paid much attention him. Gob, who has always been forced to take care of himself, wonders what it's like to be so completely dependent on someone else, especially someone so completely untrustworthy as their mother, and the thought makes his spine tingle. Gob, who has also always been terrible at taking care of himself, who sees the way their mother treats Buster, what, for anyone else would be a passing interest, but for Lucille Bluth was nothing short of devotion, is also sort of jealous in a way he'd never admit to anyone.

Now, though. Now, Maeby crosses his vision, getting herself a snack, as he lies on the couch in the model home. He purses his lips and buries his head in a cushion and tries to ignore the way her desperate cries for attention, obvious to everyone but her parents, remind him of himself at her age. He looks at her and thinks maybe he should do something. Say something to Lindsay, except Maeby's a lot more responsible than he ever was. At least she goes to school, and eats everyday, and doesn't have a part time job pretending to be an adult. And he turned out alright anyway, so maybe he doesn't have to do anything.

He buries his head further into the cushion and goes to sleep. 

When he wakes up, he's forgotten all about it.


	2. Boys Don't Cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gob isn't a crier. Well, he is, but he's not the crier, if you know what he means.  
> Set when Gob's 17-18 years old.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING:  
> Pretty explicit description of depression  
> Canonical character death (off screen)  
> Thoughts of extreme self injury, could be read as suicidal thoughts  
> (Although no actual action is taken)  
> PLEASE READ THE CONTENT WARNINGS; STAY SAFE :)
> 
> The title is from the song Boys Don't Cry by The Cure.

GOB isn't the crier of the family- that used to be Buster, before he went to Milford's and started becoming unnervingly unobtrusive, and now it's Lindsay. Probably. He's actually not sure but he knows it's not him because if it was his father would have told him to toughen up and act like a man by now. That's what he'd said to Michael the time he'd asked out that girl Tracey and she'd said no the first time. That was the first and only time he'd seen Michael cry, alone in his bedroom until the whole family came in to see what was up- which GOB was sure they'd do for him too - because he was the eldest and that meant something right?

Anyway GOB isn't the crier of the family- but he's never had a problem crying. At least he hadn't until he was sixteen, and still doesn't, if it means he gets something he wants, or can guilt trip his parents into caring about him for five minutes. 

But that only works when he's in front of other people. The problem is when he's alone. Because when no-one is checking up on him and he doesn't need to be anywhere he starts to feel... empty. 

Sometimes, he'd lie in bed all day, stare at the ceiling and wonder what it would feel like if he jumped out of the window. If his mother or father would come visit him in hospital. If Michael would freak out and try to hold some kind of intervention, like Lindsay had for uncle Oscar back when she'd been advocating for drugs awareness. Sometimes, after days like that, the familiar cloud of apathy would drift away and the world would catch up with him for a moment and he'd curl up and put his arms around his legs and hold himself like he'd fall apart if he let go and he'd start breathing heavily and his eyes would feel full and he'd think any second now the sobs would start and something would break inside of him. But he never cried. He'd lie like that for a while until the empty feeling came back and his muscles would start getting tired from being so tense so he'd lie back and it would be as if nothing even happened.

He likes to tell himself that not crying makes him strong. Michael gets praised for not crying in front of other people but Gob is the one who doesn't cry when it really matters, when he's not trying to impress anyone.

He tells himself this even as his body aches from the tension he can't let go of and he doesn't feel strong at all.

****

Years in the future, but not many, Gob watches his brother cry alone again. It's almost a mirror image of the last time. Back in his childhood bedroom, still over Tracey, except this time the family doesn't come in to see what's wrong. They already know what's wrong and none of them know how to handle this situation, least of all Gob, who's never loved anyone for fear of losing them and is feeling sort of vindicated right now but also really, really, terrible.

Gob doesn't know what to do so he pretends he never saw and it might as well be true anyway. Maybe Michael was the strong one all along because Gob still isn't crying but he's never felt weaker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really not sure about the characterisation in this, I hope it's alright :) 
> 
> Sorry it kinda got a bit angsty :/
> 
> ((Oh and if you got the homestuck reference I am so so sorry))

**Author's Note:**

> I've tried very hard not to idealise Gob, because he's a very, very flawed character.  
> I did try to keep this in character, but I think I've made him too introspective, which is difficult to avoid using my writing style :/ hopefully you can suspend your disbelief :) 
> 
> Anyway I hope you like my interpretation of his character, and thank you for reading Xx


End file.
